we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
