fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
