Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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