Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
