He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize