Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
