I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
