piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
