I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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