planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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