One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
as a side note pls kill me
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