i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can't turn off my feet"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
