She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
