Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
