I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
