I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
