dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
