Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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