I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
