just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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