Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
