Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
