he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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