you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
