i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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