Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
