Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize