the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
