You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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