This is not my ceiling
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize