He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
