he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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