I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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