Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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