i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
