I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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