I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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