I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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