oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
