remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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