when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
