I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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