Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
