do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
