but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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