If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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