I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
