plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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