I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
