I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
