the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
