is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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