absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
