Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
