Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
