Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
