Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
