New invention idea: vibrating tampons
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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