remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
