I'm jealous of your bromance
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
