dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
