North Korea, Best Korea!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
