Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Shame is for Republicans.
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