sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
