I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sponge bath it is.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
