There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
