i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
