no, he came in my armpit
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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