i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
