I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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