Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How does one acquire holy water?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Success! We fucked roommates!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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