Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
