So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
