He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
