I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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