Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
