It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
