I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
